whisquay:

This is about to get strange and rambling, y'all. Bear with.

I just got back from a conference on the East Coast that a large number of people from my company and of my acquaintance attended (flight landed about 3 hours ago). I picked up my checked baggage, grabbed a coffee, and went home to crash and fall asleep.

My next door neighbor is moving out tomorrow. I walked up to my building to see her moving boxes into a Uhaul. We’ve been decently close neighbors (in the context of the distinctly non-social environment of an apartment with a high resident turnover rate); we’ve had each other over for dinners, I helped her when a child she was looking after started seizing, she’s listened when I’ve been driven mad by bad work days. I put my bag in my apartment and started helping her fill up the truck. After a few minutes, her boyfriend leaves with the truck to unload it at her new place and we take a break in my apartment.

Ever the sympathetic ear, I unload about the past week: how my extended team is toxic and dysfunctional to each other, how the ugly face of jealousy reared its head at the conference within this group, how I am on the verge of a career change due to work politics that I have little say in. How I will be the second person to leave the group within the month and what the repercussions of that change will be (on me, on the team).

The other person who left was a team ringer (basically manages a fuckton of work and maybe other people) but not a strong personality. I, your ever biased friend, know that I am a team ringer and fancy myself a strong personality. The people who remain in the group?
–“Whiskey”: ringer and strong personality (with the biggest ego I have ever witnessed in an introvert)
–“Ageless”: developing skills to become a ringer but a self-admitted sheep
–“Chill”: ringer and chill, duh
–“Smokes”: people ringer, not technical ringer, with strong personality
–“Bureaucrat”: the manager that everyone except me answers to
–“Wino”: bigwig who used to be Whiskey’s boss, doesn’t have enough knowledge to have an opinion but has one anyway

All of the above work at the same plant in MN. All of the above except Chill were at the conference. At work, I am removed from them physically which has a whole slew of effects on the dynamic but to sum it up: I’m less involved in both drama and decision making but my knowledge is still sought and valued.

Back to my neighbor. She’s familiar with the ongoing struggle. Whiskey is the very temperamental technical authority (to give you an idea: he helped hire me, train me, sings my praises to the others but then sends scathing emails to my boss about how I should sit down, shut up, and let him control everything). I don’t trust him to not throw everyone around him under the proverbial oncoming bus when things are inconvenient for him. Whiskey is doing battle rather viciously with Smokes and more quietly with Bureaucrat; Ageless and Chill are the children traumatized and forced to pick sides by their “parents” fighting.

The first day of the conference is bizarre. Smokes comes very close to a breakdown during the afternoon. Dinner plans with my colleagues listed above starts with an obvious once over and inappropriate hug from Wino. I call Whiskey (MIA per usual; I hadn’t seen him at the conference yet) so he knows where we are eating but he doesn’t pick up and I leave no message. Whiskey calls back a little while later once we’ve been seated and wants to go for a walk with me along the harbor. I tell him about dinner and ignore the harbor invitation. He shows up, doesn’t eat, and literally runs away from me while the group walks to a pub for beers.

The main day of the conference is frustrating. Whiskey is the keynote speaker but his presentation is disjointed (almost as if he thought he was only speaking for 30 minutes but was told that it was actually an hour; too much background and completely irrelevant information). Some of the speakers treat it like a sales call. The host, a CEO, spends the day barking at his employees and making offensive jokes to the room. It ends with a next-gen software demo that is more flash/bang than substance and I am so tired. But wait! There’s post-conference entertainment: a psychic.

I am a firm skeptic. I appreciate that other people have different beliefs. I also appreciate that psychic demonstrations can help people regardless of their truth; at the very best minimum, people can project their emotions on material that they are presented with and it can help them manage grief.

My neighbor is not a skeptic. Once, after dinner at her apartment, she did a tarot card reading for me. If I remember correctly, we focused on a question I had regarding a tough situation I had with another friend. I don’t remember the outcome of that reading.

I mentioned the psychic to her and she offered to do another tarot reading about Whiskey (we ended up taking that harbor stroll after sitting through the psychic; there were some cues he gave that were not strictly platonic and I was/am confused about our dynamic and his interpretation of it). I told her I was tired and would rather have a nap. So I napped.

I woke up to a dealt tarot spread(?) on my bed with a book sitting next to it about card interpretations and a note from the (now absent) neighbor saying she’d left it for me to interpret.

So… That’s what’s happening now apparently. I’ll let you know what my mind projects onto this stimulus.

Update: went out for alcohol with a friend who knows about this stuff, so here’s what I remember her saying/what we Googled.

The basic situation is that we have the opportunity to rebuild trust with each other and that can only be accomplished by supporting and being open with one another (center cards). We know we need to get to a place of honesty and stop the manipulations but I doubt that it will ever happen, and that is wreaking merry havoc on my work and personal life (queen of swords and nine of swords). It suggests that we both need to let go of the strategical leadership role we are competing for and combine forces to find middle ground and long term balance within the group beyond just us two (three of wands and temperance). I am the rock of our team - reliable, supporting, and steady - but strong external influences are forcing me into action that could substantially undermine this - the career change (king of pentacles and the magician). It looks like my hope for honesty and frankness will occur if we address the emotional issues of the group and become friends (three of cups) but that may require turning my internal betterment and enforcing it externally (ace of swords with my queens and king in the ‘you’ spot? I have no clue but that’s what her notes say).

So, that’s that. And regardless of my skepticism, it did help; it forced me to consider what kind of future I want to have with this person and the extended team. Would I ever even want to be friends with Whiskey? Do I want to use my career change as an excuse to sever ties with the whole group or do I want to put in the effort to fix this when it no longer affects my day job? Things to think about.

Also, hi. Long time, no see!

This is about to get strange and rambling, y'all. Bear with.

I just got back from a conference on the East Coast that a large number of people from my company and of my acquaintance attended (flight landed about 3 hours ago). I picked up my checked baggage, grabbed a coffee, and went home to crash and fall asleep.

My next door neighbor is moving out tomorrow. I walked up to my building to see her moving boxes into a Uhaul. We’ve been decently close neighbors (in the context of the distinctly non-social environment of an apartment with a high resident turnover rate); we’ve had each other over for dinners, I helped her when a child she was looking after started seizing, she’s listened when I’ve been driven mad by bad work days. I put my bag in my apartment and started helping her fill up the truck. After a few minutes, her boyfriend leaves with the truck to unload it at her new place and we take a break in my apartment.

Ever the sympathetic ear, I unload about the past week: how my extended team is toxic and dysfunctional to each other, how the ugly face of jealousy reared its head at the conference within this group, how I am on the verge of a career change due to work politics that I have little say in. How I will be the second person to leave the group within the month and what the repercussions of that change will be (on me, on the team).

The other person who left was a team ringer (basically manages a fuckton of work and maybe other people) but not a strong personality. I, your ever biased friend, know that I am a team ringer and fancy myself a strong personality. The people who remain in the group?
–“Whiskey”: ringer and strong personality (with the biggest ego I have ever witnessed in an introvert)
–“Ageless”: developing skills to become a ringer but a self-admitted sheep
–“Chill”: ringer and chill, duh
–“Smokes”: people ringer, not technical ringer, with strong personality
–“Bureaucrat”: the manager that everyone except me answers to
–“Wino”: bigwig who used to be Whiskey’s boss, doesn’t have enough knowledge to have an opinion but has one anyway

All of the above work at the same plant in MN. All of the above except Chill were at the conference. At work, I am removed from them physically which has a whole slew of effects on the dynamic but to sum it up: I’m less involved in both drama and decision making but my knowledge is still sought and valued.

Back to my neighbor. She’s familiar with the ongoing struggle. Whiskey is the very temperamental technical authority (to give you an idea: he helped hire me, train me, sings my praises to the others but then sends scathing emails to my boss about how I should sit down, shut up, and let him control everything). I don’t trust him to not throw everyone around him under the proverbial oncoming bus when things are inconvenient for him. Whiskey is doing battle rather viciously with Smokes and more quietly with Bureaucrat; Ageless and Chill are the children traumatized and forced to pick sides by their “parents” fighting.

The first day of the conference is bizarre. Smokes comes very close to a breakdown during the afternoon. Dinner plans with my colleagues listed above starts with an obvious once over and inappropriate hug from Wino. I call Whiskey (MIA per usual; I hadn’t seen him at the conference yet) so he knows where we are eating but he doesn’t pick up and I leave no message. Whiskey calls back a little while later once we’ve been seated and wants to go for a walk with me along the harbor. I tell him about dinner and ignore the harbor invitation. He shows up, doesn’t eat, and literally runs away from me while the group walks to a pub for beers.

The main day of the conference is frustrating. Whiskey is the keynote speaker but his presentation is disjointed (almost as if he thought he was only speaking for 30 minutes but was told that it was actually an hour; too much background and completely irrelevant information). Some of the speakers treat it like a sales call. The host, a CEO, spends the day barking at his employees and making offensive jokes to the room. It ends with a next-gen software demo that is more flash/bang than substance and I am so tired. But wait! There’s post-conference entertainment: a psychic.

I am a firm skeptic. I appreciate that other people have different beliefs. I also appreciate that psychic demonstrations can help people regardless of their truth; at the very best minimum, people can project their emotions on material that they are presented with and it can help them manage grief.

My neighbor is not a skeptic. Once, after dinner at her apartment, she did a tarot card reading for me. If I remember correctly, we focused on a question I had regarding a tough situation I had with another friend. I don’t remember the outcome of that reading.

I mentioned the psychic to her and she offered to do another tarot reading about Whiskey (we ended up taking that harbor stroll after sitting through the psychic; there were some cues he gave that were not strictly platonic and I was/am confused about our dynamic and his interpretation of it). I told her I was tired and would rather have a nap. So I napped.

I woke up to a dealt tarot spread(?) on my bed with a book sitting next to it about card interpretations and a note from the (now absent) neighbor saying she’d left it for me to interpret.

So… That’s what’s happening now apparently. I’ll let you know what my mind projects onto this stimulus.

“You are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect others to make you happy, you will always be disappointed.” — (via makemestfu)

after finishing half my batch, I can say with confidence that my homemade protein powder tastes so much better than any store-bought one I’ve tried

working at home is really good for my stress levels because I can actually verbally express how done I am with this person professionally

start . ask . about . idiocy